


His Felicity

by softball45



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2316881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softball45/pseuds/softball45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver is about to face something he may not be able to get over, his Felicity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Felicity

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this one for about a month now. (That's extremely long for me) This work has become a part of my soul and I feel like part of me is dying by letting it go. I hope it grows on you as much as it did on me. Please let me know what you think it means a lot.

“I don’t know how to move on.  I don’t know how to forget.  That’s how big of an impact you had on me.  Months after you’re gone I still think about you everyday.  I think of what could’ve happened between us and each day I come to the same conclusion.  Endless possibilities.  We could have done anything.  We could have done everything.  But there wasn’t enough time, there’s never enough time.”  The good things in life always get taken away from us.  The best moments always get cut short.  Oliver learned that lesson too late. 

“Without you it seems as if all the light in the world is gone.  It feels as if I’m consumed by darkness.”  There was a hallow tone to his voice.  “I don’t want to let the darkness in, I don’t want it to define me but without you there’s nothing left to stop it.”  Before Oliver met Felicity someone told him that once you let the darkness in it never comes out.  Felicity proved that wrong.  She had alleviated that darkness.  She had made Oliver a better person; she had shown him another way.

Oliver was seated in the middle of a cemetery.  The wind whipped across his face, the rain continued to pour down.  No matter what weather he faced nothing was going to move him.

His eyes stared blankly at the words written on Felicity’s headstone, her epitaph, and the last marker that tied her to this world.  Inscribed was a quote from her favorite author, Chuck Palahniuk, “We all die, the goal isn’t to live forever.  The goal is to create something that will.”  It reminded Oliver of everything that Felicity did for him, all she accomplished in her short life span.

Oliver didn’t know how to continue without his best friend.  “I thought that we had forever together.  I realize nothing in life lasts forever because at some point it’s all ripped away.  The joy we once felt disappears.”  That was the most painful part about falling in love.  At some point it’s all gone.  When the person you love has left, you realize that you will never smile the way they made you smile, you won’t ever laugh the way you laughed around them.  Suddenly everything is gone.

He could still see her blonde locks flow over her shoulders and continue down her back.  Her blue eyes still stared at him in wonder.  The first thing Oliver noticed about Felicity was her eyes, there was a sparkle in them; it reminded him of the good that was still in the world.  Those eyes were filled with happiness, forgiveness, and light, so much light.  Now that light had been extinguished.  The flame had been snuffed. 

In his mind she was still there.   It felt as if she was going to be there when he got home; tomorrow morning he would roll over and she would be smiling at him just like she always did.  Of course that wasn’t the case.  There would be no one lying beside him anytime soon.

The Felicity he first met was shy, awkward and often embarrassed herself; but that was only part of the woman Oliver fell in love with.   _His Felicity_ _is_ also strong, brave, and smart.  He will never stop loving _that_ Felicity.

Oliver was still on his knees in front of her grave his once large figure looming over her.  He had grown weaker in the past month.  The normally well-kept beard was now thick and untidy.  The once fit figure now slim and fragile.  At any moment it appeared he may collapse. 

He was in the same grey suit he wore at the funeral.  The same suit he wore on their first date.  Oliver remembered how badly his fingers were shaking as he buttoned his jacket.  He remembered how his brain was consumed with fear in the moments before he asked her out.  He even remembered how his stomach was filled with butterflies as he entered the restaurant.  His favorite moment with her was when he walked in the restaurant on their first date.  When he turned the corner into the dining room his face lit up.  Sitting before him was the most beautiful woman in the world.  Multiple times Oliver tried to walk towards the table but couldn’t.  He was shocked by how lucky he was to have a woman like Felicity in his life. He realized then that Felicity was the woman for him.  There would be nobody after her.  She was it; she was the only woman he would ever love.  A smile emerged on his face.

All of those feelings belonged to another lifetime.  Perhaps even another person.  Recently Oliver hadn’t felt anything like that.  He imagined he never would feel the same way.  He couldn’t suffer the pain of falling in love ever again.

Oliver struggled to continue talking.  He knew he had to.  He had to talk to someone about what he was feeling and the only person he felt like talking to was Felicity.  “It was my job to protect you.  My only job was to give you everything and I screwed it up, I blew it and for that I’m sorry.”  Tears were beginning to fill his eyes.  He was struggling to keep hold of his emotions.  The walls he built up were now slowly crumbling; piece-by-piece the floodgates were opening.  A variety of emotions were overwhelming him.  These emotions ranged from anger to sadness to somehow even happiness.  Oliver didn’t know what to feel now he only knew that he didn’t want to feel anything. 

Felicity had always been there for him when he needed her.  Oliver relied on her.  When his sister died she was there to tell him it would be okay, that someday the pain would be over.  And it was.  For a few months life was perfect.  It seemed as if nothing had ever gone wrong.  Felicity was able to do that.  She brought out the light in him, in everyone actually.  She was able to see the good in a person, even when they were surrounded by evil.

Over the past few months Oliver hasn’t known what to do with himself.  He felt as if he had nothing left to do.  “You saved me from myself.  You made me a better person; you showed me how to fight through the pain.  What am I supposed to do without you?  How do I continue when the only person I ever loved is gone?”  His words came out in strangled sobs.  Oliver had tried to figure out what to do without Felicity.  She helped him with everything, now she was gone.

He had to close his eyes to regain his composure.  When he opened them what met his gaze was not what he expected.  Felicity was standing before him in a pink dress, his favorite pink dress.  His mind ran ramped trying to come up with a valid explanation about what was happening.  He wanted to believe she was there; he _needed_ to believe she was with him.

She crouched down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.  Oliver knew it wasn’t real, yet it felt like she was there, she was with him, “I don’t know how.  But I do know two things, you are not alone and I believe in you.”  Her voice was strong and prominent that was _his Felicity._ “You didn’t fail me Oliver, you never will.  What happened wasn’t your fault, so please stop blaming yourself.”  He clung to every word she spoke. “Keep fighting, just like you always have, for me.” A tear rolled down his cheek.

Then she was gone, nonexistent.  The hope that consumed Oliver for a moment was now gone.  She wasn’t real.  She never would be again.  Never again would Felicity comfort him.  She couldn’t because she was dead and dead people don’t talk to you.  He had his chance to save her and he failed. That’s when Oliver broke.  All the feelings he had held in since he saw her die finally came to the surface. 

He felt emptiness, anger, sadness, pain, guilt, and grief.  None of those mattered to him because under all of those layers, at the bottom, he found hope.  Felicity’s words still echoed in his mind, she was right he wasn’t alone even though he felt as if he had nothing left, he still had friends there to support him and he still knew that somehow, some way she would always be with him.  She also still believed in him.  Even though he had failed her, he let her down, she still trusted him.  But he didn’t fail her, not really.  To fail someone means to let them down.  She didn’t seem to think that he had failed her and that’s all that mattered.

Oliver would never get over the loss of _his Felicity_.  The impact she had on his life was too large.  She was a part of him now and for that he was grateful.  They only had a number of days together but he was so thankful for those days.  Each day he got to spend with her was a blessing.  She changed him for the better; he wished that he had the same effect on her.

Oliver looked out into the distance.  The sun was slowly rising.  He had been there all night.  He had to get moving, a new day was about to start and he had to be ready.  But he stayed next to her, unmoving, watching the most beautiful sunrise he had ever seen.  Time seemed to stand still as the sun was beginning to peak over the Earth.  In a cemetery where death and sadness ruled Oliver was able to see the beauty in front of him. 

Before he left Oliver needed to say one last thing, “I love you.  Do you understand?”  With those words he almost felt at peace.  He never got to tell Felicity how much he loves her and now he did.  Things would never be the same again.  It would hurt to live without her.  Oliver already missed her snarky comments, her Freudian slips, and the way she would look at him.  The look that always made him smile.

Most of all Oliver missed the man he was around Felicity, the man who could actually be himself.  With Felicity there were no masks, there was nothing to hide.  She knew every part of Oliver, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  She accepted each and every part of him. 

The scariest part about falling in love is the possibility of getting hurt.  There will be tears shed, there will be hearts broken.  But in the end it’s worth the pain because for a few moments you get to be yourself with someone and that’s worth it.

_His Felicity_ was gone but she would _never_ be forgotten.


End file.
